By Nick Beauchene
_
Nick Beauchene is currently attending the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities. Nick writes to
cure boredom and for fun. Nick mostly writes fiction.
Nick Beauchene is currently attending the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities. Nick writes to
cure boredom and for fun. Nick mostly writes fiction.
__ Now
you might be expecting a pleasant anecdote to accompany what will
immediately follow, I can assure you that is not the case. For my entire
life, I’ve been riddled with the guilt of what I’ve so contemptuously
coined “only-child’s remorse”. That is not to say the symptoms of this
malady are overwhelming, or even palpable. In fact, some individuals
refuse to accept that the condition even exists, deluding themselves
until proven otherwise.
“Only-child’s remorse” affects millions of children each year. These kids are showered with gifts and granted all the impunities one could want. They also become slightly irritable when they do not get their way. However, it’s not their fault.
I know what you’re thinking: “You’re going to blame it on the parents”. Such evidence would be dubious at best, considering the differing circumstances under which only-children are born. Rather, the blame lies at the feet of their non-existent siblings, with whom these children should be interacting and sharing with. Without even the minutia of sibling relationships, these kids find themselves utterly entangled in the inextricable imbroglio that is social norms.
As a result, the children afflicted by this disease act out and continually attempt to garner the attention of their parents and peers. Most kids are accustomed to sharing the limelight with their brothers or sisters, whether that be in terms of tangible gifts or signs of affection. This skill generally remains stagnant until the preschool or kindergarten years; it is at this time that they are required to share and therefore learn the rules of social interaction that they should have mastered years before.
There is no way to recover the time lost to “only-child’s remorse”. It’s an indelible aspect of the curse that one can only hope to wonder “what if?” “What if I had made friends years before I started school?”, “What if I had started playing soccer and realized I was actually pretty good?” Lost time is a dejected concept, but also one that man cannot help but ponder.
An adept reader of this article might notice that nothing I’ve mentioned thus far has concerned the “remorse” component of “only-child’s remorse”. To touch upon that, I must belabor a common fact: these children just like us, experience the awkward years of youth and grow into adults. They have their own children and then become old and decrepit. It’s the circle of life.
Eventually around the time of adulthood, these people begin to realize just how privileged they actually were. Their parents worshipped the ground below their feet and were just as inclined to clean it afterward. Other kids didn’t receive nearly as many presents during Christmas and often were required to share them with siblings. The adult versions of these only-children might begin to wonder whether they had taken advantage of their parents and their undying servitude. This is the remorse aspect of the ailment — the guilt associated with accepting all one’s parents had to offer while offering little in return.
“How can one bypass this remorse?” “How can one cure this disease?” Truth be told, there is no such remedy. This isn’t a condition that can be corrected upon the simple administration of some vaccine. The only defense against this incorrigible certainty in life is its acceptance and subsequent embrace.
In order to accomplish this, one must perceive the disease in a light with which one can objectively evaluate it. The key is to treat parents with dignity and to reciprocate when given the chance. Only-children rarely acknowledge that this is in their repertoire of available responses, considering that they have not yet realized the extent to which they’re exploiting their parents. Often, they will think their acerbic retort is a justified reaction to a parent’s subservience; that, it is not.
Then, an only-child must willfully act to change his or her attitude. This will be a gradual process and will undoubtedly involve several hurdles, whether it is regression to past behavior or some type of tragedy, such as the death of a parent that undermines the child’s filial values. Despite how arduous it may be, this step might very well be the most essential.
Once that is achieved, one can veritably fathom the nature of all only-child relationships from the perspective of a third party. Only with practice can one learn to scrutinize his or her own relationship and perhaps change it or refine it for the better.
I refused to impart a witty line or allegorical quote in the beginning of this paper and will do no less for the conclusion. Instead, I will leave the reader with one piece of advice: if you are an only-child, don’t take the opinions expressed throughout this work too seriously, but just seriously enough to make a difference.
“Only-child’s remorse” affects millions of children each year. These kids are showered with gifts and granted all the impunities one could want. They also become slightly irritable when they do not get their way. However, it’s not their fault.
I know what you’re thinking: “You’re going to blame it on the parents”. Such evidence would be dubious at best, considering the differing circumstances under which only-children are born. Rather, the blame lies at the feet of their non-existent siblings, with whom these children should be interacting and sharing with. Without even the minutia of sibling relationships, these kids find themselves utterly entangled in the inextricable imbroglio that is social norms.
As a result, the children afflicted by this disease act out and continually attempt to garner the attention of their parents and peers. Most kids are accustomed to sharing the limelight with their brothers or sisters, whether that be in terms of tangible gifts or signs of affection. This skill generally remains stagnant until the preschool or kindergarten years; it is at this time that they are required to share and therefore learn the rules of social interaction that they should have mastered years before.
There is no way to recover the time lost to “only-child’s remorse”. It’s an indelible aspect of the curse that one can only hope to wonder “what if?” “What if I had made friends years before I started school?”, “What if I had started playing soccer and realized I was actually pretty good?” Lost time is a dejected concept, but also one that man cannot help but ponder.
An adept reader of this article might notice that nothing I’ve mentioned thus far has concerned the “remorse” component of “only-child’s remorse”. To touch upon that, I must belabor a common fact: these children just like us, experience the awkward years of youth and grow into adults. They have their own children and then become old and decrepit. It’s the circle of life.
Eventually around the time of adulthood, these people begin to realize just how privileged they actually were. Their parents worshipped the ground below their feet and were just as inclined to clean it afterward. Other kids didn’t receive nearly as many presents during Christmas and often were required to share them with siblings. The adult versions of these only-children might begin to wonder whether they had taken advantage of their parents and their undying servitude. This is the remorse aspect of the ailment — the guilt associated with accepting all one’s parents had to offer while offering little in return.
“How can one bypass this remorse?” “How can one cure this disease?” Truth be told, there is no such remedy. This isn’t a condition that can be corrected upon the simple administration of some vaccine. The only defense against this incorrigible certainty in life is its acceptance and subsequent embrace.
In order to accomplish this, one must perceive the disease in a light with which one can objectively evaluate it. The key is to treat parents with dignity and to reciprocate when given the chance. Only-children rarely acknowledge that this is in their repertoire of available responses, considering that they have not yet realized the extent to which they’re exploiting their parents. Often, they will think their acerbic retort is a justified reaction to a parent’s subservience; that, it is not.
Then, an only-child must willfully act to change his or her attitude. This will be a gradual process and will undoubtedly involve several hurdles, whether it is regression to past behavior or some type of tragedy, such as the death of a parent that undermines the child’s filial values. Despite how arduous it may be, this step might very well be the most essential.
Once that is achieved, one can veritably fathom the nature of all only-child relationships from the perspective of a third party. Only with practice can one learn to scrutinize his or her own relationship and perhaps change it or refine it for the better.
I refused to impart a witty line or allegorical quote in the beginning of this paper and will do no less for the conclusion. Instead, I will leave the reader with one piece of advice: if you are an only-child, don’t take the opinions expressed throughout this work too seriously, but just seriously enough to make a difference.
